(Man walks up his wife, who is holding a display case of coins)
Man-- Honey, what do you have there?
Woman-- (Smiling) Well, dear, I just bought this from Goldcoin.com! This, my little Pumpkincake, is a coin collection that looks exactly like one that would be retrieved from Blackbeard's ship at the bottom of the ocean...except this one is completely fake! It's worth absolutely nothing!
Man-- Wow, sweetie! That's great! It looks just like a valuable, precious set of gold coins...cripes, I can practically smell the sea-salt from these fake coins that weren't found in the ocean at all! Who would've thunk it's a piece of crap!?
Woman-- (Still smiling) I know! It's not authentic at all! Why would you want the real thing? It's so much better to just pretend... and the best part about it? It cost the same exorbitant price as if it was authentic! (Couple hug, kiss, then place the worthless case of junk up on their mantle).
Okay, so maybe I dreamed that commercial...
Which do you prefer: An authentic gold coin, or an inauthentic gold coin made of copper? An authentic autographed basketball signed by Michael Jordan, or an inauthentic autographed basketball signed by Michael Jorge, the pizza delivery guy? An authentic friendship with someone who you can share your true feelings, or an inauthentic friendship with someone who you can share what you think they want to hear?
Most of you would probably prefer an authentic gold coin, autograph, or friendship, right? For those of you who prefer inauthentic items, I have some inauthentic pens to sell, used by John Hancock to sign the Declaration of Independence, for a small price of a couple hundred buckaroos.
As I think more and more about authenticity, my ponderings focus on my relationship with the One who already knows the authentic Brendan. I don't quite get why I'm afraid to utter the thoughts I think to God. I mean, I understand authenticity being difficult between myself and others--most people have secrets that they hide from others...I get it. It takes awhile to open up and share struggles, fears, etc. with other human beings who have the ability to take advantage of your vulnerability.
But God?
I act like He's the biggest gossiper around. What if God has connections with TMZ or National Enquirer and spreads around what I told him? Or worse, what if He tells my friends?! Or worser...what if He tells my parents!?
When I was younger, some of my friends and I, being bored youngsters, would approach an electrical fence surrounding the cattle lot. "I triple-dog dare you to touch the fence," one would say. And of course, refusal to touch it would be the worst act one could do. So you do, hoping that the power isn't on.
Getting real with God feels like getting dared to touch an electrical fence, just to see if it's on. If it is, you get hurt, burnt, and probably laughed at. So as I reach my hand towards that fence, I prep for the shock that will surely come: the shock of feeling like if I pray out my frustrations, fears, or sadness towards God, it will only annoy Him, make Him roll His big, cosmic eyes at me, or cause Him to send a lightning bolt and make things harder for me, just to show me that I need to stop complaining.
But that fence is never on with God.
King David, probably my favorite person in the Bible, figured out that praying (or singing Psalms) to God candidly did not result in a huge spanking from our Father above. Our friend Dave had more emotions than Crayola had colors. One day he was feeling Joyous Jazzberry Jam, the next day he was feeling more like Ticked-Off Teal.
Day 1: You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them. I am confined and cannot escape; my eyes are dim with grief. (Psalm 88: 8-9)
then, Day 2: Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth, burst into jubilant song with music; (Psalm 98:4)
aaaaand Day 3: So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. (Psalm 143: 4)
But the crazy thing about David's mood swings is what he says amidst his anguished days, whether he was hiding in caves from Saul or anticipating defeat from enemies:
Day 3: I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land. (Psalm 143:6)
Wait, Davie...I thought you were just dismayed? And yet, your response is seeking God?
David's two-step process: honesty, then faith. Authenticity, then expecting God to show up.
My two-step process is a bit different: a 5 second help me prayer, then freak-out. A glance to the sky, then Googling advice for my probems.
Because even though I know that going to God is the right response, I somehow feel like I'd be bothering Him. Yeah, His yoke is easy and His burden is light...but what if He gets sick and tired of me always bringing the worst of me? Isn't there a limit to how many comments I put in God's comment box?
Yes, we need to go to God with good things and bad things, and no, we shouldn't only complain to God like a whiny 3 year old. But... if we can't come to God with honesty and authenticity, what is it worth? Just as I wouldn't want an inauthentic autograph from Michael Jordan, God doesn't want an inauthentic faith from Brendan George. God doesn't want me to pretend like everything's okay. God wants me to have faith that He's big enough, that He cares enough, that He loves me enough to handle the real me. I feel like God says "go ahead and complain, but have faith that I can deal with it...I'm a pretty good multi-tasker."
And that's my hope. As I seek authenticity, the process is slow. But it starts with one honest conversation. With God, it starts with one "I have no clue what you're doing God...I'm kind of pissed off. But I trust what you're doing" prayer. As scary as it can be, it starts with reaching for that fence.
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