Before I've even typed a word, or even thought about what I'm going to type, I'm sorry. Sorry for what? Funny thing is...I'm not even sure, either. It could be because the blog post isn't as good as you expected, because you didn't have time to read it but you did anyways, or just because you have a stomache while you're reading this, which is completely unrelated to the post.
You see, I feel sorry about a lot of things. I feel guilty and that things are my fault the majority of the time, even if it's out of my control.
- I'm really sorry to ask you this [insert close friend's name]...but can I borrow a Q-tip? If not, no problem...I'll just find a stick from the woods to clean out my ears.
- Can I borrow a celery stick from you [insert loved one]? I haven't eaten for several days because my bank account is empty...I promise I'll pay you back. Maybe just half a celery stick?
- I'm so sorry you got the flu [another close friend]...I should've bought you vitamins last year so you wouldn't get sick. I guess in a way, it's my fault.
- To the state of Texas, I just want to apologize for the drought. I had half a glass of water that I didn't finish at a restaurant once...I owe you guys big time.
Okay, so those are a little extreme, but a real-life situation might look like this:
Excuse me, Jesus... I messed up again. I feel horrible, so in order to not inconvenience or bother you, I'm just going to slink away and try to deal with my faults on my own. Sorry. sorry.
Frankly, I'm tired of believing that. So I'm fighting against the belief that everything is my fault, that I'm annoying people constantly with my presence, or that I'm an inconvenience. If it is my fault, the people who love me will give me grace to try again. The same goes for my relationship with God. I've heard over and over again that God's love has no bounds and that His grace does not have a limit. Well, it's time to start believing it. Time to let it travel from my noggin to my heartstrings. Time to see that His promises of grace in the Bible aren't just words, but love letters to each one of us.
Does that excuse me from seeking to live like Jesus? Absolutely not. But I don't have a problem with realizing that I'm imperfect, that I make mistakes all the time, or that I have the potential to let others down. I have a problem with realizing that I can't possibly be loved any more or any less by a God who is already so infatuated with me. There are times for apologies and reconciliation...but there are also times for freely living in grace.
So for those who live with a guilt/burden complex like me...let it go. Those who truly love you won't stop loving you because you make mistakes. Neither will Jesus. Jesus loves you. Is that cheesy? Kind of. But I sure as heck am gonna believe it with all that I am.
Hope you enjoyed the post. If not, forgive me...I'll try again. But I'm not sorry :)
