Prayer has kind of always been an enigma to me. From a logistical angle (i.e. how does it work, how often should I do it) to a practical standpoint of things like sitting and trying to keep my mind focused on God, not the truck driving by, my to-do list, or how good Hawaiian pizza sounds (which, by the way, does currently sound delicious). I've worked through many of my obstacles of praying, but today as I was trying to spend a focused fifteen minutes talking to God, I ran into an old problem.
I didn't know what the "right thing" to pray was.
I didn't know how to say what I wanted to say.
I tried repeating God's name. I tried speaking candidly. I tried the stream-of-consciousness technique. Nothing seemed to work...and then I realized there was a deeper issue than simply my "style."
I had made prayer all about me.
I had made prayer into a Santa wish-list.
I had made prayer about an agenda...my agenda.
The fact is, it's not all about me. Like this blog title says, my life is not my own. But somehow, I've allowed myself to place mirrors around me, so that everywhere I go, my world conveniently looks like...well, me. And my prayer life reflected that. Every time I prayed, I sprinted into my conversation with God, screaming out what I needed and wanted. "Gimme, gimme! I want that!" And the fact is, God is not a genie, or Santa, or anything else like it.
I'm definitely not saying we should come timidly to God with requests. And yes, there is importance in asking, seeking, and knocking (Luke 9:11). God gives good gifts to those ask (Matthew 7:11). But there's even more importance in simply worshipping the one who gives those gifts. It feels like, at least for me, there is something crucial to acknowledging how good God is before pouring out my requests.
So I did.
When I began to view God not as the means to an end, but instead the means and the end, it changed my whole view of the purpose of prayer. It allowed me to see prayer primarily as a time to sit with God, not talk at God. It really is like that beautiful (but sometimes cheesy) song "The Heart of Worship": "And it's all about you, it's all about you, Jesus."
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed by thy name...
I didn't know what the "right thing" to pray was.
I didn't know how to say what I wanted to say.
I tried repeating God's name. I tried speaking candidly. I tried the stream-of-consciousness technique. Nothing seemed to work...and then I realized there was a deeper issue than simply my "style."
I had made prayer all about me.
I had made prayer into a Santa wish-list.
I had made prayer about an agenda...my agenda.
The fact is, it's not all about me. Like this blog title says, my life is not my own. But somehow, I've allowed myself to place mirrors around me, so that everywhere I go, my world conveniently looks like...well, me. And my prayer life reflected that. Every time I prayed, I sprinted into my conversation with God, screaming out what I needed and wanted. "Gimme, gimme! I want that!" And the fact is, God is not a genie, or Santa, or anything else like it.
I'm definitely not saying we should come timidly to God with requests. And yes, there is importance in asking, seeking, and knocking (Luke 9:11). God gives good gifts to those ask (Matthew 7:11). But there's even more importance in simply worshipping the one who gives those gifts. It feels like, at least for me, there is something crucial to acknowledging how good God is before pouring out my requests.
So I did.
When I began to view God not as the means to an end, but instead the means and the end, it changed my whole view of the purpose of prayer. It allowed me to see prayer primarily as a time to sit with God, not talk at God. It really is like that beautiful (but sometimes cheesy) song "The Heart of Worship": "And it's all about you, it's all about you, Jesus."
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed by thy name...
